References and Progress.

If you’ve spent any amount of time on industry related social media I’m sure you’ve seen discourse about references. I’m not here to defend or denigrate them, rather I am here to help you become a better reference recipient. If you are relying on references to facilitate your fantasies  it’s taking more than two to tango and inviting more variables to come into play, so it’s in the best interest of every party involved for you to be a considerate human being especially as most of us are offering references this as a courtesy. Here are some suggestions to help get you want you want. 

READ HER REFERENCE POLICY

I can’t emphasize this enough, and the sad part is if you are here reading my blog this isn’t advice for you. Regardless it needs to be said. Frequently people in the industry have a written reference policy on their site, I’ve recently included mine in my email signature for ease of disclosure. If you don’t do your research prior to requesting a reference you may be walking into a myriad of issues: maybe the person doesn’t offer them, maybe they have preferred methods of doing references, maybe they have a preferred method of protocol, maybe they’ve retired! You never know and it’s best not to be presumptuous. Please be respectful of their policy, if they say that they only give out 2 references per meet or only offer references during a certain time span after your last meet please don’t push boundaries. this is someone who you are asking to vouch for you, it’s crazy to be an example of bad behavior and then ask the recipient of such disrespect to report to another that you are respectful of rules and boundaries. That being said, some people would be more lenient if the request is accompanied with a token of gratitude.  Sometimes people do not have a posted reference policy on their site, which leads me to my next point:

REACH OUT TO THEM IN ADVANCE

This will ease the process exponentially. There are many reasons why this is important, such as clarifying reference policies, establishing if they are still in the industry, maybe they are even on vacation or hiatus. It’s also just plain courteous to give a heads up. I know that i have received strange inquiries about gentlemen from emails with no web presence that set off my red flags immediately; could this be a private investigator? A nosey partner? Someone else with nefarious intent? If the gentleman had asked in advanced he’d have had his reference in a more timely fashion and I would not have had some random colleague in a bad mood blowing up my inbox. With prior warning I am more likely to expect the reference and will check for it versus living my life detached from my inbox (shocking, I know). If I know what to expect I will check my inbox because rapport matters to me. Time is precious as everyone who has dabbled in this world so…

DON’T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE 

As I mentioned in my introduction, relying on references invites more parties into the equation, this means more chances for problems, missed communication etc. If you are waiting til the eleventh hour to schedule an engagement with someone and are relying solely on references you are presuming that the party you are seeking the reference from is at your beck and call which is often not the case. Don’t play yourself, there’s that corny saying “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail” that is always such a pain to be reminded of but it’s true. Just because the demimonde is sort of on the fringes of society and nebulous doesn’t mean that it is immune to the tried and true. 

So please, next time you are about to reach out for a reference, take a moment to be considerate. It will really help your reference!